why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
