I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
