I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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