I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
handjob tips. give me some.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize