Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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