were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
