I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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