What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Randomize
