Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
