ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
