hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
