i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
