I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
