It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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