My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just had sex on a roof
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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