If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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