when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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