just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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