Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
if only i could text you this smell
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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