my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
