I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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