I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
