Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
