Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize