I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
