Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
