she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
