Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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