He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
