I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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