he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize