but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
meet me or not, i'm out of control
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize