Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
