You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
