VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize