therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
