Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It's just like the Real World with babies
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just found a bag of teeth...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
