Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
