the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
