return my video game
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
