Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
