Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
