Screwed.edu
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Too much gin, very little bucket
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
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