I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
