Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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