yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
