You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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