u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
