I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
