the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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