Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
