your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
