I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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