Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
