where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
you will always have a special place in my vag
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
