You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
