After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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