I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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