There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
