I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
