I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
this just has baby written all over it
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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