I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
