By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
