i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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