You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
