I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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