Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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