Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
