Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
