I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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